Life is often filled with unpredictable and unexpected events and we may feel we don’t have the resources to respond appropriately to adversities. This prolonged pandemic has deeply impacted our psyche and soul, it has altered our daily habits and now we are being denied the warmth of a natural physical contact.
In times of uncertainty and isolation, underlying dormant anxiety, fear, instability, powerlessness and despair can re-emerge. This is especially the case, if we grew up in families with unsafe and insecure attachment or where our boundaries were violated and disrespected.
As a therapist my role is to assist people who are afraid, hurting, feeling their lives out of control and with no faith in themselves. My work centers around restoring emotional stability. Through collaborative exploration I help people find their own resources, strengths and self-trust.
Most difficulties that manifest in interpersonal relationships are in fact problems we have with ourselves and in essence are self-worth issues.
Over the past 40 years I have helped people both verbally and physically to reconnect to their bodies. The physical work, which has no sexual connotation of any kind, involves gentle and light touch on specific points of the connective tissues within the body. With the reawakening of the body’s life-energy and with many small courageous actions, people progressively regain the capacity to care and love themselves.
In my experience of working with couples, I have noticed 2 predominate opposite phenomena. Either relationships are lingering and dwindling for longer than is necessary causing avoidable pain, or people are separating prematurely without an in-depth exploration of the conflict. The more couples communicate and are explicit about what they want and feel, the more connected they become. Pleasing the other is counterproductive.
A lot of the pain and misery in relationships comes from lack of honesty. Honesty is not just speaking out boldly and saying whatever comes. Honesty requires deep work. Honesty is sensitive and considerate.
– telling the other that we hurt because of the past still alive in us and not just what they have done to us in the present
– a high degree of self-awareness, a knowledge of our personal defensive interaction.
Intimacy is not only about sex, it’s above all about openness and raw vulnerability.
My work consists of providing a structure and an atmosphere where partners:
– share their hurt
– each person takes responsibility for their part in the conflict
– see the other person deeper and feel their hurt
– find ways to repair and resolve the fracture in their relationship, if that is what they want.